frog wedding

1:36:40 PM Me: im trying to not bust up
1:37:26 PM Croissant: so bad
1:37:37 PM Croissant: me and kerms had a nice chat this morning
1:37:48 PM Croissant: right after i robbed him of his parking spot
1:40:21 PM Me: how did it go?
1:40:38 PM Croissant: his wedding sounds deodorant-optional
1:41:16 PM Me: lol! why is that??
1:41:32 PM Croissant: i asked about the music
1:41:45 PM Croissant: and he was like “we all will play music”
1:42:22 PM Croissant: so pretty much i just imagined a jam band made up of frogs
1:42:43 PM Croissant: and miss piggys doing interpretive dances
1:42:56 PM Croissant: his mom will make all the food
1:43:21 PM Croissant: and i confirmed the chin pubes are special for the big day
1:43:56 PM Croissant: but, all in all, i like the guy
1:44:22 PM Me: i don’t even know what to say right now

beef stew

2:05:33 PM Enrique: omfg on a side note
2:05:51 PM Enrique: my coworker just left and i may have just shit my pants cuz i farted so much
2:05:56 PM Me: LOL
2:05:59 PM Me: That’s SO sick
2:06:00 PM Enrique: i was holding that in for like 15min
2:06:07 PM Enrique: damn it felt great
2:06:11 PM Enrique: it smells AWEFUL
2:06:39 PM Enrique: but anyways
2:06:43 PM Enrique: what have you guys been doing?
….

2:13:14 PM Enrique: jesus fucking christ.  never ever get the beef stew from whole foods
2:13:19 PM Enrique: mother of god this is nasty
2:14:51 PM Me: that’s basically dog food
2:15:05 PM Enrique: i dunno if thats a good or bad thing
2:15:16 PM Enrique: rustys shits look nice to take
2:15:20 PM Enrique: wish i took those all the time

fish down!!

5:48:33 PM MissBigPurple: two things
5:48:33 PM Me: LOL
5:48:37 PM MissBigPurple: 1.
5:48:43 PM MissBigPurple: dont fall asleep on the way home
5:48:44 PM MissBigPurple: 2.
5:49:04 PM MissBigPurple: Billy Ray Cyrus Larsen passed away this morning, may his little fishy heart rest in peace
5:49:11 PM MissBigPurple: i am going to have a drink in his honor later
5:49:35 PM Me: LOL
5:49:36 PM MissBigPurple: 🙁
5:49:42 PM Me: drink his bowl water